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Oh my God the shopping cart is full of carrots.
What?!?!?!!?!?!!!
Sooooooooo cute!!
Secret dinosaur
Valentine's Day Pick-up Lines from your Favorite Philosophers
Anselm: You’re the greatest conceivable being, baby. I’m glad you exist.
Aquinas: Hey remember when I said, “As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power?” Sorry I was such an asshole. Let me make it up to you with my tongue.
Aristotle: For one night, girl, the things I do to you will not be in moderation.Jeremy Bentham: Come home with me and I’ll teach you about infinite hedons.
Albert Camus: Here’s my number; don’t be a Stranger.
Rene Descartes: I think therefore I am your valentine.
David Hume: Even I can’t deny how gorgeous you are.
John Stuart Mill: Bring your friend back to my place and we’ll maximize the greatest amount of pleasure for the greatest number of people.
William of Ockham: The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Therefore, you want to sleep with me.
Immanuel Kant: Two things awe me the most, the starry sky above me and you below me.
Soren Kierkegaard: I’m gonna make you tremble.
John Locke: Imma fill up your blank slate.
Karl Marx: A specter is haunting your ass - a specter of condoms.
Friedrich Nietzsche: Roses are red, violets are blue, God is dead, now let’s screw.
Blaise Pascal: I’d wager my heart for you.
Plato: I’m not good in bed, I’m The Good in bed.
John Rawls: One night with me and I’ll teach you all about the Original Position.
Baruch de Spinoza: Come back to my place and we can use our bodies to act out this thing I call ‘monism.’
The Moon is made of green cheese
There was never an actual historical popular belief that the Moon is made of green cheese (cp. the myth of the Flat Earth). Indeed, it was typically used as an example of extreme credulity.
The Moon is made of rock which is from indeterminate sources.
This is amazing.
(Source: chi-ma-ki)
Chris Brown’s belt really matches the color of his soul.
Tweets from People Who Just Found Out the Titanic Was Real
If you’re in the mood to feel better about your own intelligence, please read more of these tweets.
